http://www.alltimechampion.com World's Greatest Song Daily Thu, 29 May 2008 22:35:49 +0000 http://backend.userland.com/rss092 en There are some songs so devastating I actually don't want to post them. This is not one of them: despite its many virtues "Hornless Unicorn Anthem" does not offer a brief glimpse into the face of God. It's just ass-kicking, upbeat fun, with bright keyboard tones and unabashed silliness. And ... http://www.alltimechampion.com/2008/05/29/362/ As you wait in line for your Vanilla Bean Steamer (so good!) this morning, please consider the following: 1. Cold cuts and other cured meats contain nitrates which, when combined with artificial sweetners such as those found in diet sodas and chewing gum (of which aspartame is the most common), ... http://www.alltimechampion.com/2007/12/07/359/ It's not fair. Not only do dope boys have a monopoly on manliness. They can also completely kill me with a gun. A lot. And they are siiiiick with the ladies. Now, it turns out they also party the hardest and understand what jamz are the most fly? Man. Young men who make ... http://www.alltimechampion.com/2007/12/04/317/ The arms of this machine were designed to perform the same motion tens of thousands of times a day, will never, ever tire, never err, and always outperform. They are producing digital video discs at an alarming rate, each of which catalogues a series of already-clear scenarios explained with patronizing ... http://www.alltimechampion.com/2007/11/27/305/ Heaven Must Be Missing An Angel has a number of obvious problems. For one, the title sounds more like a pick-up line than a declaration of love, and for its level of repetitiveness, it could stand to be a couple of minutes shorter. In truth, it really only has one ... http://www.alltimechampion.com/2007/11/23/358/ Statistically speaking, every glass of water that I drink contains at least one H2O molecule that has passed through the stately but oblong bladder of Oliver Cromwell. Cleopatra's svelte organ, too, briefly held miniscule amounts of water that 2,030 years later would enter my mouth. As did Lenin's dark red ... http://www.alltimechampion.com/2007/11/21/321/ Bob's the janitor in my office. He's worked in this office for twelve years and in maintenance for twenty-five. He enters like clockwork every day, and the next four minutes then supersede the previous day's visit as the most awkward of your life. Seeing-your-mother's-tits awkward. He speaks wholly in platitudes ... http://www.alltimechampion.com/2007/11/19/355/ At some point in the ‘70s, everything changed for Brian Wilson. The music that he’d made for The Beach Boys (whatever its level of weirdness) was recognizable as made within the pop tradition by human beings. The music that Brian has made since—Love You, Mount Vernon and Fairway, and ... http://www.alltimechampion.com/2007/11/16/354/ The OC Transpo public bus system in Ottawa is basically a thing, and by that I don't mean that it's a singular entity lying with leviathan urges under some sunken city of mere-people, or The Thing, as in "It's clobberin' time" but 'a thing,' as in, "let's get political about ... http://www.alltimechampion.com/2007/11/15/351/ If you're a straight, middle-class female of childbearing age, and you're at least moderately attractive, at some point you have been given a mix tape/CD/itunes playlist from a guy. If you were still a teenager or the guy was really insecure, the mix was a desperate cry for approval—please like ... http://www.alltimechampion.com/2007/11/14/348/